Art

     Lately I've been missing my creative, artistic side. In the past two days I started following so many different art pages on instagram. I miss that part of my life that allowed me to get creative. When I hold a pen in my hand and stare at a blank piece of paper, nothing comes to mind. I think thats one thing that I would like to change in 2016. I'd like to start drawing and painting again. Itll be a great way for me to relieve stress and just unwind. I figured if I would take at least 15 minutes out of my day to draw and practice, that my skills will improve. If you think about it, its just like anything else. If I took 15-30 minutes out of my day to work out my body will change and improve. I'm really looking forward to 2016, I think its going to be a great year for me. :)

Short and sweet haha, Thank you so much for reading. Have a blessed day/night!

-Laura

UPDATE: It's 8:30 am  the day after this original blog post. I have something on my mind that I just need to get out there. I spoke with my mom this morning and it really got me thinking about how so many women lose themselves after having kids. We give up on the things that make us who we are. For example, I gave up art. I actually stopped drawing and painting after I got married.  I don't know why I did because my husband is very supportive of everything that I do. I've come to the realization that I don't want to be one of those women who lose who they are. When I do these things its to make myself happy and that's all that really matters.
    Its kind of the Romanian norm for girls to get married at a young age. Sometimes we don't even have the chance to find out who we really are before we are thrown into something as big as marriage. Of course these girls had the choice of getting married or not, I'm not saying that its arranged or anything. I'm just saying that sometimes marriage is more of a way out of the parents house and into a life where we are free. But, in doing that, girls are putting themselves in a situation where its very possible to lose themselves. I think that its very rare to find a husband that allows you to grow and that will grow with you. I'm very lucky in that aspect. I'm not saying that all girls who get married young end up losing themselves, I just see that in the older generations of women. There is a lot of emphasis on how to take care of the house and how to be a good house wife but there isnt really anyone out there encouraging them to still do the things that make them happy. Yes, to have a clean house and food on the table is good, but we also need to do the things that make us who we are, if we dont continue to do these things it is likely that we will end up, bitter and unsatisfied with our life, which in turn will lead to us being unhappy in all aspects.

   I guess what I'm trying to say is if you look to the future and your kids are out of the house, what do you have to look forward to? What will you do for yourself? What will your hobbies be? What makes you happy? What will fill your time with joy? Just something to think about.

Thanks again for reading :)

Current Thoughts

     I woke up this morning feeling happy, overwhelmed and even sick to my stomach. Happy, because I actually went to church yesterday. I haven't been in quite a while because I couldn't find anything to wear and I had gained so much weight that nothing had fit me any more. Priorities have changed. I cannot let my spiritual life be put on the back burner because of something materialistic like not having something to wear. The things I have in my closet I can make work. In my mind I needed something new, something better. Which I now know is not the mindset that I should have. I listened to the sermon and it just reminded me of how blessed I am to have what I do have. We live in a world where we always want more. If we just took the time to realize what we do have, we will see how blessed we truly are. To have a roof over our heads, money in the bank, food in the fridge, clothes to wear and water to drink we are so much more blessed than some people in this world. The list can go on forever but its the small things that we take for granted that truly make us the richest people in this world.
     I was feeling overwhelmed because there is so much to do around the house that I feel like the hours in the day are not enough for me to do everything. I have a daughter that needs constant attention and a husband that I love to cook for and have come home to a clean house. But I finally realized that the house being a mess is just proof that its being lived in. We are living comfortably and I cannot be more thankful for the hard work my husband puts in for us to have the life that we have. God has truly blessed me with a hardworking man. Remember to let your loved ones know how appreciated they are.
   Finally, I woke up sick to my stomach because I had WAYYY to many doughnuts yesterday. Its become a tradition it seems like in this family to get a box of doughnuts after church on Sunday. We watched the football game (Go Panthers) and just had an awesome time chilling on the couch. Sunday is the only day we get to have where we can really relax and re-energize for the following week. We get to spend much needed quality time together and just be in each others presence. I always look forward to Sunday. As far as working out, I haven't been.  I've been enjoying this time with my family but I cannot wait to start working out again. I cannot thank the BBG community and my friend Michelle enough for keeping me motivated, you all have truly been a blessing :)

Thank you so much for reading, until next time have a blessed day/night!

-Laura

Emotional Eating & New Workout routine.

      One thing that I have struggled with the most is emotional eating. I can be doing so well, and if something or someone gets under my skin all things go back to the way they were. I have to learn how to control that part of my mind that tells me that I need to eat when I'm upset. I also need to control what I let affect me. Opinions of others and their idea of me shouldn't matter.  I haven't done any workouts for the past 3 weeks! Its so crazy for me to say that because it doesn't seem like its been that long.
      I cant wait to start working out again. I need to figure out meal plans and I need to set a schedule so I can reach my goal.  I'm giving BBG a little break right now, and I've decided that I want to try jump roping for the next month. I also want to save for a Capsule wardrobe. I don't really have much of a wardrobe, which limits me tremendously when a special event comes around or when it comes time to go to church on Sunday.
     My weight has hindered me completely in that aspect of my life. Church and fellowship are important to me. When I started to gain weight nothing would fit and I was left with nothing to wear on Sundays.I would panic and get anxiety, I would also criticize myself all over again and pick at everything that was wrong with me. I know it shouldn't matter what I wear but I literally had NOTHING, the only item of clothing that would fit me were sweat pants. I'm in the phase now where I don't really want to spend money on clothes I know wont fit me three or four months down the road, but I still have all my old raggedy clothing.  I'm making it work, but I cannot wait to get to my goal weight. Writing this is making me excited all over again. I just have to get up and do it. The only person holding me back is myself.

Things to look forward to:
1.  Starting a new workout routine.
2. Setting up a meal plan.
3. Saving for a Capsule wardrobe.

Thank you so much for reading! Have a Blessed day/night!

-Laura

What a Week.

    Its so nice to sit here at my kitchen table and actually get to write, its' so quiet and peaceful today. Finn is a sleep and I actually get the chance to write down how my week has been. My house has been disorganized for the majority of the week, clothes have been piling up, as well as the dishes. I've been in that mood where I don't want to do anything around the house, and I find that I have more anxiety when things aren't done. I don't know why I do that to myself. Yesterday was my birthday and it was spent taking care of my baby girl. She had a really high fever but she is getting better. THANK GOD! I felt so helpless watching her go through all that, the only thing I could do was try and comfort her. Thank you to all of those that prayed for her to get better, shes becoming herself again and I cannot wait for her full recovery! :)
     To be a parent you really have to be selfless. But it is also important to make some time for yourself. This week I haven't been able to really workout or get back in the swing of things. My back still aches and with Finn getting sick there hasn't really been time for me to get a good workout in. I only walked on the treadmill once this week. But I don't feel at all like i'm back tracking. This is life. Things will happen to make it difficult to reach your goal. Well, I guess I shouldn't say difficult. Things will get in the way but what you do with the time that you get is really important.  When I let the house become a mess, the time that I could spend on myself gets spent on making sure the house gets cleaned. Going forward I need to make it a priority to leave the house straightened up so I can get that time in that I need for myself.  Even writing this, I have four loads of laundry to do, dishes that need to be put away, bathrooms that need to be cleaned and floors that need to be washed. All of that will get done in time.
    Also, just to update you on the  picture I posted on Instagram letting you guys know that I got some new skincare products. I wont be able to get that post up this week, but look out for it in the near future. I want to try out the products for a longer period of time before I come on here and let you all know what I think. I'm also thinking that I may start posting on my YouTube channel again. Let me know what you guys think of that! Well I think thats all for today. Thank you guys so much for reading :)

Have a blessed Day/Night!
-Laura

For the first time in a really long time...

     For the first time in a really long time, I woke up feeling good. My skin feels good, my hair feels good and my BODY feels good. Is that weird to say after Thanksgiving? Most people feel sluggish around this time of year, but I've noticed a pattern with me. I tend to workout the most during the holidays and let myself slip during the summer. Does that make sense to any one?! haha. You would think it would be the other way around. Anyways, I'm so extremely happy at the way my body feels right now. I feel more confident. I haven't been able to workout due to my back, but I still feel good. I guess I really did need to get out of the house for a little bit.
    This thanksgiving my husband, daughter and I got to visit my sister and her family for about four days. It was such a great time to relax and just get away from the home.  Yes I did drink soda. Yes, I did eat burgers and fries with ranch. But you know what? Thats okay. Its okay to have some type of balance. I wont be buying any soda to have here at home, so I know that the temptation is not here. I will continue going forward just drinking water and making healthier choices. But its okay to indulge a little bit every once and a while. I've learned that its okay to have that balance. If I were to go hardcore, I know in the end that I wont achieve my goal. Its a process and a journey and I wont get to where I want to be over night. I'm okay with this taking a while. The old me would have wanted abs in three days and to be a size 6 in a month. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I'm thankful that I'm finally realizing that this is a journey and that I'm not going to let time be my enemy.
   There are so many other things that I am thankful for. God has truly blessed us this year. I cannot wait to see what he has in store for my family next year. :) Happy Belated Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all had a good one as well :)

Thanks for reading! Until next time, have a blessed day/night!
-Laura

Back Injury & Progress Photo

     Two days ago I slipped and fell, really hurting my tailbone. I guess that's what I get for walking down the stairs half asleep. I'm just so thankful that I wasn't holding my daughter at the time. I'm doing okay, but there is still some pain. I'm slowly recuperating. It just sucks that I'm not able to continue my workouts this week. But I'm not letting it stop me, the moment I feel better I'm gonna workout hard. :) The old Laura would have used this as excuse not to ever workout and fall back into old habits. Not this time.
     I can already see progress in just this one week. I cannot believe the difference giving up soda has made on my body. I'm not as bloated as I used to be and I'm actually going to the bathroom more regularly (TMI).  Here is a picture of my progress :)

     I've never been more excited to workout in my life haha. For the first time in a long time I'm actually optimistic about my slow progress. The old me would have wanted to see abs after three days. Now I know that this is going to take me a lot longer and I'm okay with that.  In the end I will appreciate this journey more because of all the hard work that is going into it. 

Lets continue this together :)

Thanks for reading! Have a blessed Day/Night.

-Laura

Frustrations & Fitness update & Discouraging Voices.

     Its too early in the morning to be frustrated. With frustration comes anxiety, and normally when I'm anxious I eat.  So far I'm doing pretty good at not eating my emotions. I'm just tired of all the negativity. I wish I could just surround myself with people who are encouraging and that would listen and give me advice and not make every situation about themselves. *sigh* In the end it is up to me to change what situations I let get the best of me. I too need to be more understanding of that person's current state and be a little bit more sensitive. But honestly in the beginning I was, but now its just so hard for me because my feelings and what I'm stressed out about is being brushed under the rug like its no big deal, because its not as major of an issue as what they are going through. Anyways, now that I got that rant out of the way, I can move on and make today a better day. Sometimes it just helps to write all this out. It stays bottled up in my mind and I constantly think of it, so to have it typed up somewhere helps me move on from this. 

     Today is my Rest day. I chose the week that mother nature decides to visit to work out, which is never fun. With the cramps and everything else that comes with it, it makes it that much harder to workout. Yesterday I was supposed to do BBG 1.0 Pretraining Wednesday- Arms and Abs, but I decided that I would do cardio instead.  I ended up walking on the treadmill at 3.5 mph for 35 minutes, which is a great accomplishment for me. I told my husband that morning that I wasn't going to workout and I kept making up all these excuses in my head why I shouldn't. But as it got closer and closer to my daughters nap time, I knew that if I didn't workout then, I wouldn't be working out at all that day. So, I pushed myself through all those excuses and I did cardio.  I kept repeating in my head the reasons why I needed to do this and I kept picturing myself in all those wonderful outfits that I could finally wear when I will be fit and happy, and it really motivated me to push through. 

    One thing that I need to work on is to not be so judgmental when I'm looking at myself in the mirror. Those words that keep coming in my head every time I look in the mirror I know will go away, one day. But as of right now they're always telling me that I'm not good enough to be in the best shape that I can be. They always tell me that I'm not making any progress and that I should just quit. Those are voices that have been in my head (not to sound creepy or anything) since I was in high school. In the end I need to know that this is a journey, I cannot reach my goal in only 3 days and I need to be less harsh on myself! Every day I am one step closer to reaching my goal. Whatever I decide to do in fitness that day and I actually make the time to do it, makes me that much closer to being healthier. 

    These first few weeks are going to be the hardest, but I'm ready to challenge them and I'm ready to get past them. One day, I will look in that mirror and be proud of my body and my accomplishments because only I know how hard I've worked to achieve it. 

Thanks for reading, have a blessed day/night.

-Laura

Long Term Goal/ Kayla Itsine's BBG/ What I'm excited for.

Long Term Goal:    My current long term goal is to drop at least 4 dress sizes. I'm currently a size 14 and I'd like to be at a size 6. To be honest If I could get to a size 8, that would be a GREAT accomplishment. I'm not really going off weight because I know muscle weighs more than fat.  I will also continue stick to my short term goals as mentioned in my previous post. 

     So to help me achieve this goal I started BBG (Bikini Beauty Guide by Kayla Itsines) today, or I guess I re-started it. It was the hardest workout I've done. I was drenched in sweat by the end of the 28 minutes! In my mind I kept repeating all the reasons why I'm doing this and that kept me motivated all the way through because believe me, towards the end of those 28 minutes I wanted to quit. The last time I worked out was about two years ago. Back in 2012-2013 I had a trainer that I worked with and she was amazing! I was able to lose about 20 lbs in just a few short months. I've fluctuated in weight my entire life, but as of today I'm the largest I've ever been. When I was in my last trimester of pregnancy I got up to 188 pounds almost all of it water weight. After I had my daughter my weight went back down to about 150 lbs, but it did not stay there. With all the bad eating habits and being at home I gained 22 lbs. I'm shocked just writing that! I cannot believe that in a span of 9 months I've gained that much weight. With this guide they really encourage you to take a before picture to have as a comparison photo. I took my photo today. I'm trying really hard not to be too hard on myself and to think positively. But I cannot believe that I waited so long to get back into shape. My stretch marks did not fade (I'm also not taking anything for them to fade. That will change effective immediately.) and I actually have more stretch marks now because I gained weight in a short amount of time.  I've debated back and forth on whether or not I want to post that picture here on my blog for fear of being judged, and I've come to the conclusion that I will. So if you're here to judge me, please just stop reading from this point on.  

November 16th, 2015- 172 lbs

I'm posting this so that I can motivate myself and others to keep going. Keep pushing towards your goal, and make a change. 

What I look forward to the most after losing the weight:

1. Confidence
2. Having a better attitude in all aspects.
3. Buying a new wardrobe :)

 Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my post. To be honest, if it wasn't for this blog, I'd probably be drinking a soda right about now. But I'm so happy that I've finally chosen to stop making excuses and to actually make a change. 

Until next time, Have a Blessed day/night!

-Laura

My small victories.

     I'm sitting here on my bed and I'm thinking about how proud I am of myself. Yesterday and today I actually woke up with a better attitude on life and on myself. I didn't look in the mirror and insult myself and pick at everything that is wrong with my body. No, I looked in the mirror and I saw hope.  I woke up and I was excited about where my life is heading. I'm excited for these healthy changes. I'm excited to see my body change and I am excited that I'm choosing to do this when its not too late. But most importantly I'm excited because my daughter will grow up seeing all the hard work it takes to make a commitment like this and I hope to inspire her.
    I was able to go grocery shopping yesterday which gave me a little anxiety if I'm being truly honest. But I went in with the mind set that I was going to leave the store with only healthy things. I left with so many great items, but these are the four items that I am most excited for:

Turmeric- Which has amazing anti-inflammatory properties. 

Sunflower Seeds- Great Protein.

Chia Seeds and Whole Flax Seed- Amazing for Fiber.

   Obviously these products do more than what is listed above, but these are what is most important for me and the main reason why I bought them. I've already seen a MAJOR improvement in my body because of these items (even though its only been one day).  I'm really excited to see how this affects me in the long run. I'll continue to use them and let you all know how it goes! :)

     I've made some small victories today and it makes me feel so inspired and motivated to keep going. It also shows me that when I've set my mind to something, I really can do it. I was able to refuse the food that I know would have back tracked me, I drank a lot of water AND I was able to make healthier choices when it came to breakfast and lunch. This is just the beginning, but I cant help but be excited about this. I know these seem like small steps, but to me this is HUGE. This is going to be a great journey for me, and I cant wait for the results. I'm excited to take you all on the journey with me :) 

     Finally, I just want to say a Thank you to everyone who has given me positive feedback on my blog so far and who are supporting me through this journey. I hope to inspire you and motivate you to make the changes you want. Big or Small, they're possible to achieve (so corny, but VERY true).

Until next time have a Blessed day/night.

-Laura

My addiction.

     Sugar. Sugar is my addiction. I woke up this morning and my body was craving it. I went downstairs ate a brownie for breakfast and washed that down with a soda. What I should have done was pour those bottles of soda down the sink, so I did just that.  I stood in front of my sink and opened every single bottle I had and as I was pouring them down the drain I had so much anxiety!! Its crazy that refined sugars have such a hold on my life. I'm sure there will be someone who is reading this post thinking that I'm dramatic and that its no big deal and that Soda is such an easy thing to give up. But this is just as bad of an addiction as anything else. Smoking, alcoholism, drugs all of those things cause harm on the body and refined sugar does just the same. I see it, not just on how my body looks, but how my body feels internally. My teeth, my hair and my skin are all being affected by this addiction. Black heads, eczema (that is scarring and that itches and hurts), the bad texture and dryness of my hair are all the after effect of abusing sugar.
     Sugar is so dangerous because it is so easy to access. I remember being in high school and my parents giving me money for lunch, and I would use it in the morning to buy "Hot Fudge Sundae" Poptarts and a 12 oz bottle of Sundrop. This would be my breakfast almost every morning. After school I would go home and we would have a refrigerator full of all of our favorite drinks. I would go through 3-4 cans of soda a day sometimes even more.  At the time I wasn't really paying attention to what I was putting in my body because I was also a lot more active. Between P.E. and going to the gym with my mom, I was burning all those extra calories I was drinking and eating on daily basis.
     This is a past and present struggle. The cravings are so hard to overcome. But I believe the first step was taken today, when I poured those drinks down the drain. Even though at the time it gave me anxiety, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I cannot even begin to explain all the times it crossed  my mind to go to the fridge to get a soda today. I'm so relieved they're not there. I picked up a bottle of water and started drinking that instead. I know that this is going to make me feel so much better at the end of the day.
     Either tomorrow or Saturday I will be going grocery shopping. I plan on only buying things that will do my body good. I will post a haul on what I bought and what my plan is for the following week. Also on a good note,  I will be getting a treadmill from my mom. Thank you Mom!!! Things are really looking up :)  So to sum all this up, my goal for the rest of the week (even though there's only three days left) is to drink a lot of water and to maybe even replace a meal I would normally eat with a better option.

    Sugar is a serious thing my friends. I'm hoping I can keep up with all this. But with you guys by my side I know I can!

Stay tuned for the next post if your curious on what I am going to buy :)

Have a Blessed day/night!
-Laura

My first post and my Goal for this blog.

     Hello there, welcome to my blog! Let me first start off by saying how hesitant I am for even starting a blog. I don't know what my theme is or where this will go. But right now I believe this will be the perfect outlet for me to write what I am feeling and my current thoughts. I'm no professional when it comes to writing. I don't even think I know how to use correct grammar. But because this is a place where I can express my feelings I don't think anyone will be judging me on the fact that I don't use correct punctuation or grammar.
     Anyways, let me start off by telling you a little bit about myself. My name is Laura, I'm 25 years old, married to my best friend and am a stay at home mom to a nine month old baby girl.  I enjoy fine art, calligraphy (even though I do not practice) and even started enjoying cooking.
     My current emotional state: Overwhelmed. Not with my home life but more so of the changes that happened to my body since giving birth to my daughter. This is very hard for me to open up about. I don't normally like talking so publicly about my issues on this topic.  I like to confide in those closest to me. But one of my goals is to reach out to other women who are having the same struggles as I am. I know, I know, I'm only 25. But that doesn't mean the insecurities of weight gain and a changing body isn't there.
     LIGHT BULB!! I think I will make that the main focus of this blog as of right now. My journey to living a better and healthier lifestyle. My weekly goals and even day to day goals, my struggles and my thoughts going through this process. Also, I'm hoping that this will give me constant motivation and keep me accountable to make changes in my life.  I'll give you a little more insight of my past struggles, my story and my short term goal in my next blog .
   I hope you find inspiration in the upcoming blog posts and if you want to continue in the journey with me then stay tuned! :) (using an emoji, i know so professional right?!)

Until next time, have a blessed day/night!
-Laura